genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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