I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
