my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
