I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
