So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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