I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
