the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
handjob tips. give me some.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
