.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
