Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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