i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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