3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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