so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
