On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
