I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
