I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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