I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
