OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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