I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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