11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
