ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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