hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
