my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
In other news, I just burned my penis
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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