Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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