A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
