someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
