I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
