I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
