i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
