Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
