Don't you send me to vm
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
