Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
