I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
