go do what you do best...puke behind churches
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
