it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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