id be glad to
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
