Moan for me like Helen Keller
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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