i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
