And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
time to smoke my breakfast
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
