The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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