my soul wont recognize me after tonight
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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