Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
