Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
