Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
