My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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