So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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