covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
