why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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