think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
