It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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