I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
